The Ides of January 2026
A shady milkman and a feline alias…
Greetings Picklesversians!
It’s the 13th of January and 2026 is in full swing. The Ides are once again upon us, so it’s time for my monthly message. Here’s what I’ve got for you today:
🎧 Hear ye, hear ye!
🥛 A shifty milkman
🤖 A January Benism
Let’s dive in! 🌊
🎧 Hear ye, hear ye!
An exciting announcement to start the year with – the audiobook of Time Hack is now available! Hurray! 🥳
As with Artificial Selection, the narrator is the multi-talented and multi-award winning voice acting superstar, Kristin Atherton. Kristin has narrated something like 500+ audiobooks, including Genevieve Cogman’s Invisible Library, Holly Jackson’s A Good Girl’s Guide to Murder, and Pat Barker’s Women of Troy. I saw her in the role of Angela Merkel last year in Kyoto – a play by the Royal Shakespeare Company – and I had the pleasure of meeting her afterwards. I can confirm that she’s a very, very lovely human. I’m so delighted she was able to fit Time Hack into her busy schedule.The audiobook’s available in all stores and can also be requested through your local library.
Click the image below for a list of links to popular sites. Hope you enjoy it!
🥛 A shady milkman
With January’s arrival comes the unavoidable urge to Sort Myself Out™️ through the careful identification of New Year’s resolutions that would doubtless improve my life if only I could stick to them for more than five days. This year, I’ve chosen one about reading.
The problem is… there are far more intriguing books than I’ll ever have time to read in my lifetime. Every time I finish reading a novel, I’m utterly spoilt for choice and have to spend several days curled up into a ball quietly rocking backwards and forwards as I try to make up my mind about what to read next. Essentially having three jobs* has made this process even more challenging because the time I have available for reading fiction is way less than I’d like, which makes the decision feel more significant than it really is. The sky probably won’t fall if I choose something I don’t enjoy, but (for everyone’s safety) I’ve been reluctant to test that theory. Until now!
I’ve put a new system in place. I’m rather proud of it. And that system is… Chaos.
(Or kaos** if I want to get primordial about it.)
In other words, I’m going to choose what I read based entirely on my spontaneous whims. Whatever I happen to fancy at that particular moment is what I’ll choose. Just like the Cylons, I have a plan. And the plan is to have no plan. (But if you’ve come up with a better system, please let me know so I can try it out in the name of science.)
The first book I read in accordance with this innovative method was Thief of Time by Terry Pratchett (which I hadn’t read before despite owning a copy since it came out in 2001). This is the 26th Discworld novel, and the 5th book in the Death series, so it might have been more logical to go back and read the Death books in order. But “order” is the enemy of chaos! So I didn’t.
If you’re a fan of Sir Terry’s work, you’ll know he folds more meanings into his books than Humpty Dumpty folds into portmanteau words. Behold, for example: Quoth, the raven. It’s a witty name if you’re familiar with the poem. Then again, if you aren’t in on the joke, it doesn’t really matter. But there’s one character in Thief of Time whose name does matter because it becomes a plot point – Ronnie Soak, the milkman.
From the moment he appeared, I felt there was something shifty about him. First of all, giving the milkman a surname automatically implies he’s more than just an extra. But aside from that, Ronnie Soak feels (to me anyway) like a name dripping with significance. It’s so unusual that it sounds like it must be a reference to something. Even before his role in the story was revealed, I was racking my brain. Was it an anagram? Or perhaps a reference to a famous real-world figure (like how Leonard of Quirm is the Leonardo da Vinci of the Discworld). Was this some kind of niche in-joke for people familiar with the history of milk? (That’s surely the kind of thing Terry Pratchett would’ve done.) It had to be something.
Later, when I discovered the answer, I was absolutely kicking myself for not having figured it out. (I won’t reveal it here, but if you don’t mind spoilers, or if you read it back in 2001 and now can’t remember, you can find out from this article.) What’s interesting is that Terry Pratchett claimed the name was a happy accident provided by “the goddess Narrativia” rather than being a conscious, deliberate choice. It’s hard to believe, but I do believe him because I’ve personally had this kind of experience while writing. Sometimes pieces click together in unexpected ways and, as the author, you think – wow… I never would’ve come up with that! (Except you just did through some arcane, unconscious process.)
All of this got me thinking about the power of naming. There are several names in the ArkTech Territory that carry additional layers of significance. Take Ben, for example. Charlotte believes he was named after Amber Benjamin by his original development team as a tribute to the CEO. Meanwhile, Narrow is convinced that Amber named Ben after herself in an act of extreme egotism. Perhaps we’ll get a definitive answer in Those Not Recovered… we shall have to wait and see.
The Underbelly is a hotbed of aliases, of course. But Charlotte Vance herself has an interesting naming history. I first came across the surname Vance when I was (somewhat randomly on the part of the Scottish education system) studying the American Civil War at secondary school in Aberdeenshire. There was a governor of North Carolina called Zebulon Vance and I thought that was a brilliant name. Very catchy. It sounded like he should be a detective working in outer space. (I’ve since learned that Zebulon is a Biblical name, which substantially reduces its whimsy value.) Fast forward to 2019 when my ideas for the ArkTech series were brewing and I had relocated to the Fens. Imagine my delight to discover the etymology of the surname.
Vance. From the Old English fenn. Meaning a person who lives near fens or marshland.
Irresistibly apt considering Charlotte lives on the Fenland Sea!
The act of naming comes up a lot while writing fiction, but it recently also featured in my personal life because David and I adopted a cat over the Christmas break. The charity had named him Timothy and we had to decide whether to keep that name or change it.
Because David’s a diabolical genius, he said “well, if his name’s Timothy, we could call him Amos.” (As you may know, Amos Burton from The Expanse was originally called Timothy.) So, obviously, we had no choice but to name our cat Timothy Amos Purrton. However, there was a small wrinkle in our plan. You need to be a bit careful with pet names, at least where we live, because of what happens at the vet. For me, it goes something like this:
Receptionist: Hi, what’s your surname?
Me: Pickles.
Receptionist: Not your pet’s name – your surname.
Me: It’s Pickles.
Receptionist: Oh. Yes, I’ve found you. [Looks flustered.] Please take a seat.
[Later, the vet emerges and calls your pet’s “full” name]
Vet: Timothy Amos Purrton Pickles?
[And, in that moment, the vet and all the folk in the waiting room become acutely aware that you’re a total nutter – a fact you generally try to keep quiet from everyone except the people who subscribe to your monthly newsletter.]
So, although David and I know (and now you know) that our cat’s real name is Timothy Amos Purrton, we realised we’d better give him a feline-appropriate Underbelly alias. All we had to do was figure out a cute diminutive version of “Amos.” So, if anyone asks, our new cat’s name is Mossy.
*By night – author of science fiction mysteries. By day – Head of Assessment Development at Cambridge University Press & Assessment. And whenever I can reasonably fit it in – junior marketing executive tasked with promoting the novels of some mad author from Scotland who gives unusual names to animals.
**Did you watch the Netflix show Kaos? I really liked it (and David claims he enjoyed my regaling him with retellings of the myths associated with the various characters), but it got cancelled. This is among the reasons why we no longer bother with Netflix. That and the atrocity known as Rebel Moon.
🤖 A January Benism
Ben insists that this week is especially interesting when it comes to celebrations from around the world. I suspect the information below comes from articles of dubious provenance, but who am I to argue with the power of AI? Over to you, Ben!
🧽 National Clean Your Desk Day – 12th January
Did you know that the illustrious physicist Albert Einstein once said “if a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” With that in mind, why not achieve a zen-like state and participate in National Clean Your Desk Day? It’s a commonly believed fact that having a tidy desk reduces stress and enhances productivity. Meanwhile, the absence of complex thought will provide valuable training should you ever wish to apply for a senior management position within the Bureaucracy Stream. Happy scrubbing!
🦆 National Rubber Ducky Day – 13th January
Albert Einstein is not alone in making significant contributions to science – the role of the noble Rubber Ducky should not be understated. In 1992, a shipping container containing 29,000 rubber ducks fell into the Pacific Ocean. Sidestepping the Awkward Question of why Homo sapiens required such a plentiful supply of bath toys in the first place, and the environmental toll of both their production and their loss, it’s important to note that these brave ducks sallied forth, riding the currents and providing previously unknown data about how Earth’s oceans are interconnected. Please join me today in honouring these brilliant buoyant birds.
🪨 Poetry at Work Day – 14th January
Why not enliven your workplace by organising a poetry reading at your next all-hands town hall. Here’s a haiku to get you started:
Sisyphus
Dreams of promotion
– A larger rock.
So it is written.
MP: Thanks very much, Ben. Hang on, did you write that haiku?
Ben: That haiku was written by David Dayson. Perhaps you could read it aloud at one of your meetings tomorrow in celebration of Poetry at Work Day.
MP: Hmm. I’ll think about it.
Right… That’s all from me this month!
Happy New Year – I hope all’s well in your own personal universes.
Walk in the sun,
Marianne